An officer calls a young Soldier to attention, scolding him for not attending camouflage training that morning. The real definition of USCG is Uncle Sams Confused Group.. While drinking their beers, the smart-ass fighter pilot decided to ask, How many did you end up catching today.. A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief, "Ma'am" he said, "Do all these children and this luggage belong to you? They bought their four-year-old son two stuffed bears one in a UPS uniform and the other in Marine garb. Long Haul In the 50s, I was a clerk typist at our base headquarters in Verdun, France. It does look like its been fished out from the bottom of the sea.. How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? Bomber Pilots Do Them Too. But yours is.. I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first shot. Me: Hello? I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. The Marine insisted that since he was in the aisle seat he would get it for him. This happened several times times throughout the flight. S | Auto land not installed on this aircraft. I'm impressed! Whats the difference between a fighter pilot and a fighter jet? I never knew you had such a weak stomach, I said. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. One day, the pilot of a single-engine Cherokee was told by the tower to hold short of the runway while a DC-8 landed. A pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he is flying, and about flying when he is with a woman. One started by saying, Okay smartass, which one is closer, the moon or Florida? The second responded by saying, Obviously its the moon you cant see Florida!. In his free time, he enjoys hunting, hiking, running, shooting guns, and reviewing gear. Reproduction of any part of this website without direct permission is prohibited. March forth! If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. The Best Short Military Jokes 1. An Army ranger, Air Force P.J., Navy seal, and a Recon Marine. Black said he jokes about getting a sense of what America thinks about its military by the movies that come out, and the only decent military movie in recent years, in his opinion, was "Top Gun . Louis, I grumbled. It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. I was very nervous, she said. I heard this one from my basic training company commander. When our drill instructor demanded an explanation, the man bellowed, This recruit has proved himself worthless and weak and is being mailed home to his mother!. If at least ONE military joke below doesnt make you giggle, well, wed be concerned. Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. San JoseTower: "Flight 751 heavy, turn right at the end if able. I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. All images on our website are the property of their respective owners. 1. The program was halted when, after years of research and millions of dollars spent, the spy cat was run over by a cab. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. SUB sandwiches! Oh, youre a troop who survived pepper spray AND mustard gas? Not long after, I had a large kettle of soup simmering. But something struck me as odd. I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers. Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. I smiled and said, Sure was a lot of em, huh sir?. (Hang up. The military refers to a collection of all the armed forces of a particular country.. Grandpapa Johns Pizza. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I will not charge you. On an internal Flight with a very Senior Flight Attendant crew, the pilot said, Ladies and Gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. They want their patients to see 20:20! They cant seem to string three Ws together. The gunners very first shot sent the drone into the water! Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ..I Shall Fear No Evil. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. ", 55. Later, I spoke with Mom. Whats the main mission of the Marine Corps? The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. It was PRIVATE. I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear During KP duty, my sergeant ordered me to prepare 100 gallons of soup for that nights dinner. Yes, she said. Caller: Is Sgt. Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: I was cold Im convinced my cockroaches have military training. 16. Between all the service branches there is a friendly rivalry that will always create jokes among the various branches. He then asked conspiratorially, Do you want to keep your sideburns?I perked up. Its got to be the Air Force because theyre U.S. AF! Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside! You the eighth, the old Marine answered. Attention! 2. He nodded. One day, convinced he could improve things, he told the head cook, If you give me a paring knife, I could peel these potatoes faster. The cook turned slowly to my father and said, Son, youre in the Army. Sometime later, when the examination was Coffee tastes better if the latrines are dug downstream from an encampment. A tank ran over a bag of popcorn and apparently, two kernels were killed! Aeronautical Humor. Well, I, too, am a SEASONED Veteran! Marine: Wait, stop. I would stay behind and neatly print each soldiers name onto his Army-issued underwear. Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? During KP duty, my sergeant ordered me to prepare 100 gallons of soup for that nights dinner. They bagged six. Air Force Says OKEY DOKEY?. Perplexed, the fighter pilot asked, "So? Did it work? But 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. I served in Korea, said Uncle Jerry. What Do You Call a Soldier Who Survived Mustard Gas and Pepper Spray? And you also make me nervous when you visit.. The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. In large gold letters was printed: TRASH. Soldier: No way, you guys had air conditioners? Semper Pie Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the cramped customs area. From the plane came a laconic southern voice: . Your seat cushions can be used for flotation. The sergeants reply: Completely, sir.. A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. You had tents?, USAF: Birds Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. You had tents?, A drill sergeant yells at his young trainee, I didnt see you at camouflage training this morning, private!, The private replies, Well, thank you very much, sir., A general gets stuck in his Jeep on the side of the road. Aboard a troop carrier crossing the Atlantic, I noticed a seasick pal of mine losing it over the railing alongside several other soldiers. One night, he returned to the dorm in his perfectly pressed uniform, his newly acquired name tag in his hand. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!, 21. All you dummies fall out. As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention. The pilot tries to pull up, but with all their cargo, the plane is too heavy. Then, in a soft voice, he said, Probably. "Throw out more!" shouts the pilot. What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? In an attempt to keep, the passengers from standing or moving around before taxiing was completed the Flight Attendant of an internal flight said over the PA, "Ladies and Gentlemen. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Overheard on a flight into Regina, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight to control it. Unfortunately for him, our lecturer caught him. Ask the Navy to secure a building and they will turn off all the lights and lock all the doors at 1700. Warren and Joy agreed and up they went. But I had the last laugh. Why do members of the military often marry lovers from the foreign countries they were deployed in? The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. They are the ones protecting us at all times from external threats. You do know that he could get ill from the bacteria on the toilet. You might be a Coastie if a cruise does not sound like a vacation to you. What would As A.J. When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. One day you will walk out to your aircraft NOT KNOWING that it is your last flight. Military jokes, Aviation humor, Military humor Explore Education Career Save From scontent-mxp1-1.xx.fbcdn.net Military Jokes N Nawar K. 644 followers More information Military Jokes Army Humor Funny Photos Funny Images Aviation Humor History Jokes Warrior Quotes Stupid Funny Memes Hilarious More information . We recommend our users to update the browser. Rodrigues there? The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. Marine: Wait, stop. The other Sergeants noticed that he looked more relaxed than ever. Read more. A tank ran over a box of popcorn and killed two Kernals, As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, All right! Unfortunately, the sun was shining through a porthole right onto his face. ", Warren replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Joy fell out, but you know, fifty quid is fifty quid". Dedicated To All Who Flew Behind Round Engines. Officer: Thats no way to address an officer! The c.i.a. You might be a Coastie if you forget how to color coordinate normal civilian clothes after weeks of wearing only blue. Filed Under: Lifestyle, Veteran Life Tagged With: funny, humor, jokes, military jokes. Why does the military have a strict dress code for ceremonies and events? While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. An Army Drill Sergeant took some recruits the the mess hall. One day, while out snapping photos, I was stopped by the military police, who asked for my letter from public affairs. The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. His son had clearly focussed more on dividing rather than conquering. 3) The pen used by the military meets 16 pages of military specs. S | Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words. Officer: Soldier. USMC: OHH! A Flight Attendant's comment after a less than perfect landing; We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal, 17. Aviation JOKES. As I left the barbershop with sideburns in hand, I heard him ask his next victim, Where are you from? February 24, 2023 Two B-52s Fly Over Tallinn For Estonia Independence Day Military Aviation February 23, 2023 F-35C . Fighter Training Manual You know your landing gear is UP and LOCKED when it takes full power to taxi to your parking spot. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. One day, the rain was pouring like crazy and a big puddle formed in front of a local pub just outside the Navy base. He needed COVER! The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. The tenant shook her head. One of the reasons the Air Force, Army, Navy, and Marines bicker so much is because they dont speak the same language. [Easy] How to Clean Rust off of a Gun Without Damaging it? If air traffic controllers screw up, pilots also die.
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