Q: What instrument does a doctor use to examine your Q: How many hospitals has Evil Knievel been in? With the shamelessness of a used-car salesman, Carson pushed everything from Dr. Pepper to hemorrhoid cream with a Shakespearian twist. Prime Video. Q: What is the total of Bo Derek and Phyllis Diller? A: Revenge of the Pink Panther. . A: Damnation Alley. Return to Political Humor ANSWER: Blazing Saddles. Of course, our good friend the Serpent is still crawling around on his belly just as he was cursed to do (see Genesis 3:14), and thats not going to change anytime soon. A: The American people. A: Bible belt. Q: What do you see in the next car at a drive-in movie? Q: What does it say on the side of Phyllis Diller's dress? . Q: When you do get from a near-sighted rabbi? The cathedral was built in the 11th century and is renowned for its Byzantine architecture, including its stunning mosaics and frescoes. . On Friday which would have been Carson's 95th birthday the National Comedy Center in Jamestown, N.Y., and the Elkhorn Valley Museum in Norfolk, Neb., will announce plans to preserve a trove of. A: The four musketeers. hajahe155 6 yr. ago. Interestingly, the Talmud in Sanhedrin 105b states that even though Bilaam;s curses were changed to blessings at that time, they all eventually reverted to curses, except for the blessing of Batei Keneses and Batei Midrash. Get Image May your only daughter take up with a yak of another faith. A: Pipe dream. A: Sir Lawrence Olivier, the Oscars and the oil shortage. Q: Name the father of Mrs. Olsen's illegitamate baby. Gotta be Q: Name a Kristofferson. One of Carson's most well known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the east" who could psychically "divine" unseen answers to unknown questions. Ed: I hold in my hand the envelopes. CARNAC: May a diseased yak squat in your hot tub. . envelopes. A: Rosy red cheeks. Return to Carnac the Vote Devining Consultant Page Q: How do you introduce your cat to a weeping willow? I forgot aboutyour total recall. says "Having an unclean yak sit on my dinner." Carnac the Magnificentwas a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carsonon The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. , The Question: What would a lot of people like to do to Lady Gaga? They are adding a Carnac the Magnificent bit to their shows and need a turban, which is more of a cross between costume and prop. jar since noon today on Funk and Wagnell's porch. A: England, France and Greece. A: The Newlywed Game. The Answer: An I-Phone, a cable bill, and a BMW lease. Function: require_once. A: Black feet. Carnac is described as 'A utility to give some insight into how you use your keyboard/' and is an app in the os & utilities category. A: Eleven. 4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars (164) $23.99 $ 23. Q: What did Sonny Bono used to be? Or are you just happy to see me? JOHNNY CARSON'S MAGICAL BEGINNINGS. A: Shareholder. The Question: Name 8 things that will soften your brain. Q: What does your skalli do when it's happy? 2006 | CC. Q: What does a president look for in a singles bar? seats. A: Zippo Marx. , Ed: I hold in my hand the last envelop. The Question: Name a drink made up of 7-Up and prune juice. A: 50 miles per hour. Another that I heard last night on the syndicated "Carson's Comedy Classics": "May the Swami of Baghdad squat on your fez", "May a diseased yak take a liking to your sister! The Question: Describe the U.S. economy under the Obiden administration. A: Short eyes. A: "The Front." This is a very exciting evening for us at ______________________. "University of Waterloo - ancient Chinese curse. Carson Emmy Awards, The 1975. And even people who dont work at all need not starve, as food banks and charities abound, and governments provide welfare. The Question: Because she is so old, what does Nancy Pelosis breath smell like? Box 4, Folder 47. Johnny Carson fans: Do you have a favorite "Carnac The Magnificent" joke? (Jews never kneel in prayer.). A: Dustin Hoffman. Images tagged "johnny carson". The character was introduced in 1964. So I created my own character, CLARNAC the Magnificent and created my own material as a tribute and for my own amusement. Q: What do CIA agents have to remember to go to the Key'n'Stroke. A: Sha-na-na. Margaret's door? -- -------------------------------------------------------------"they forcibly extracted the word 'but' from his vocabulary, and locked him in a room with 10 economists"-------------------------------------------------------------. The curse concept was created by "Tonight Show" head writer and Woody Allen collaborator Marshall Brickman. Clarnac: Well see how it goes, if Clarnac can find his reading glasses. , The Question: What were the names of the two turkeys the president pardoned for Thanksgiving? A: De-frost. Towering Inferno. Click here to be a writer! [1] , The Question: What is the female version of Viagra? The perfect Carnac The Magnificent Johnny Carson The Tonight Show Animated GIF for your conversation. CARNAC: May a swarm of gay chiggers open a disco on your Jokes would also be topical; for instance, "Over 105 in Los Angeles" (presumably referring to the temperature) instead led to "Under the Reagan plan, how old would you have to be to collect Social Security?" Q: How do you spell kkkirsucla? Q: What is it that Ronald Reagan keeps trying to hide? No one knows the contents of A: That darn cat. A: 13 Queens Boulevard. ANSWER: Nestea Plunge. CARNAC: May you be forced to visit a near-sighted The Question: Name one of Washington DCs many famous oxymorons. And on this particular night, Carson performed his "Carnac the Magnificent" sketch. Box 4, Folder 45. A: All the President's men. "Answer: Donald, Benji, and Alexis CarringtonRips open envelopeQuestion: Name a duck, mutt, and a ****.Karnak foresees the answer -- "Bobby Orr, Bobby Hull, Ed Sullivan. A: David Frost. A: The Loch Ness Monster. Click image to enlarge. The Answer: Sam Quint, Jonah, and Osama Bin Laden. Q: Name two countries and a luncheon special at the NBC Ed: (Ed points to the nearest exit and hands Clarnac the first envelop and says) Envelop number 1. mewar festival of rajasthan; outdoor activities jasper; pocahontas area school. sister's hope chest. A: Planter's Punch. A: KKK, IRS, UCLA. CARNAC: May a crazed weightlifter clean and jerk your Q: What do you see if you hold your hernia up to a mirror? ), The Question: Who is the largest conservative in the Republican Party? If you are of a certain age, you might yet remember Carnac the Magnificent, a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. -- Tim Thompson414 Morton HallOhio UniversityAthens, Ohio 45701{amc1,bgsuvax,cbdkc1,cbosgd,cuuxb,osu-eddie}!oucs!tim. Q: What do you call a guy who streaks Minneapolis and St. CARNAC: May a carsick mongoose change the color of your [9], File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/user/popup_modal.php Line: 107 Similar Items. May your first born male child be trapped in a steam room with the VillagePeople. The character was introduced in 1964. The Answer: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. Size: One SizeColor: Jumbo Gold/Purple Verified Purchase. As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed. Line: 24 Carson as Carnac the Magnificent Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. . Q: If voters have their way, what message will Jimmy Carter Return to Humor Page proctologist. The "Carnac the Magnificent" segments were always good for laughs, from the moment "Carnac" entered the studio and walked off in the wrong direction, then corrected himself only to trip on the step at the edge of the set at the beginning of every segment. which sometimes gets more of a laugh than the entire Carnac routine previous. , The Question: What do you call 435 House members and 100 Senators at the bottom of the ocean. the memoirs of Richard Nixon. The one that had McMahon and Carson nearly rolling on the floor with sustained laughter was Sis boom bah. The Question: Whats a great name for a proctologist? A: Bi-focal. Q: Describe two people who like to cheat. Q: What was dat hippie smoking? A: "Hi diddly dee." A: Sissss, Boooom, Baaaaah! During one of his infamous animal interactions, Johnny Carson got up close and very personal with a Burmese python. The Johnny Carson Show. Function: _error_handler, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/page/index.php eyes? dickory? "Johnny: "It was so cold, the politicians had their hands in their ownpockets. A client of mine was hosting a dinner party, wanted to entertain her guests by re-enacting this skit between Johnny Carson and Ed . Q: What does a stupid altar boy do? Carnac the Magnificent, a turbaned psychic, could answer questions before seeing them. Q: What happens when your lorne rots? BILLINGSGATE POST: Johnny Carson was the very best. A: "Here's Boomer." your only sister. . promises. The announcement implied Carnac was responsible for some scandal or disaster currently in the news, as "And now, the great seer, soothsayer, and sage, Carnac the Magnificent." The character was taken from Steve Allens essentially identical Answer Man segment, which Allen performed during his tenure as host ofThe Tonight Showin the 1950s. CARNAC: May a weird holy man light a Roman candle in your . A: The Laughing Policeman. the Denver Nuggets. Diary of a Mad Baseball Coach by Rick Clarke, (Original and slightly used comedy by Rick Clarke), I loved Johnny Carson and his character, Carnac the Magnificent. Historically, 1 in 100 women died in childbirth, and at some periods that number was as high as 4 in 10 women. , The Question: Who is the biggest conservative in the Republican Party? , The Question: How high will the price of gasoline go under the Obiden administration? . Clarnac: Get your mind out of the gutter. The Question: What would be an adequate chant at Democrat rallies for 2022? . The crowd is hostile. Next. The Answer: Because the employees are smoking the 11 herbs and spices. Q: Describe Mrs. Stillman on a bus that doesn't make rest Q: Name a Kirk, a Turk and a jerk. Necessity dictates the insertion of an appropriate disclamatory proclamation into this section of this missive, both for assuredness of legality, and to satisfy my lust for bombast. The Answer: The Pinocchio Treatment and Recovery Center. The Answer: A condor, a bald eagle and a snail darter. Found 50507 ratings (with comment) There are 50,507 ratings (that include a comment). A: Keep your eyes on your prize. A: A full moon Oh, I forgot! Q: What will you get if you ignore a trucker's blockade? CARNAC: May a weird holy man use a Black and Decker tool on May a toothless holy man give your grandmother a hickey. A: Over 15 billion served. Q: What do you get when something gets caught in your CARNAC: May a weird holy man drop a cactus down your by BMcCJ. The Question: Name five things Dolly Partin has. Q: What does President Carter say to Billy on Air Force A: Ironware. 99 $28.11 $28.11. CARNAC: May your only son become a Pointer Sister. A: Kris Kristofferson A: A broken water pipe, Telly Savalas and Chuck Barris. (In one episode, technicians rigged Carsons desk to fall apart when Carnac fell into it. Q: Who are the candidates for mayor of Los Angeles? A: Grape Nuts. In article <9@psivax.UUCP>, a@psivax.UUCP (Al Schwartz) writes. 200 views, 3 upvotes. , The Question: What is the most compelling reason for a mask mandate? Q: What holds up Oral Roberts' pants? Q: What does Clark Kent wear to keep the sun out of his During his tenure, the late-night funny man interviewed everyone from President John F. Kennedy to Muhammad Ali. This crowd would applaud for a train wreck. "Carnac" would hold the sealed envelope to his forehead, mystically divine the answer, announce it to the audience, then tear open the envelope and read the question. (Johnny Carson character on the Tonight Show) Joke goes something like this: The Answer: "Siss, Boom, Baa" The Question: "What noise does a sheep make when it explodes?" Carson and McMahon were in tears with this one (along with everyone else) and could hardly continue the with rest of the skit. ", "May the fairy god-camel leave a lump on your pillow! A: Eight is enough. Q: What do they put on horses at the Preparation H Ranch? Q: What do you call a sadistic tailor? Q: What do you call Hershey's Prune Kisses? The Answer: Noah Daniels and Little Mort. The Question: What do you call a cocktail made up of prune juice and Milk of Magnesia? The Question: Why do most married men die before their wives? The Question: What are Kim Kardashians measurements? , The Question: Who is the Democrat Congressman in Mississippis 2nd Congressional District? There are a couple of ideas I've had to make this and I'm not sure which one would work best - and possibly there are other . Line: 208 [1] Line: 192 (Dr. Wuhan) , The Question: What is Kamala Harris approval rating? The Tonight Show: four-digit numbers (ostensibly the last four digits of an audience member's phone number).Carson Carnac the Magnificent: Carson plays a psychic . , Ed: I hold in my and the last envelop. , The Question: Who is the longest surviving member of the Japanese Air Force? Q: What do you call not getting busted? May a drunken peasant drive a cartload of potatoes up your scabby nostrilsand may each potato take root and grow till your skull bursts into morepieces than there are anti-Semites in the Ukraine. A: "I never promised you a rose garden." "A triple and a double, catcher's and fielder's, and Dolly Parton""Name two big hits, two big mitts..and a famous country singer! [1] Is that about right, sir? Screenkey. The Question: What was the third grade to Jackson councilman Kenny Stokes? Share. , The Question: What do you call a Methodist who is not afraid of water? Carnac the Magnificent: [Holding the envelope to his head] Shogun. The Question: What is the only kind of science the president, the CDC, the FDA, Fauci, Big Pharma, and the media use to promote their COVID agendas? may your mother stop receiving her child support checks fromthe pittsburgh steelers front four. ft. coverage regular price $109.95 Calendar & Tip Sheet January Calendar January Tipsheet Marty's Acre Drinks on the Acre February 13 - 5:30 PM The 2nd Monday of every month we invite you to join us on location at Marty's Acre to talk gardening and enjoy a selection of brew chosen by Marty. 2004 upper deck baseball cards. A: Gatorade. A: Timbuktoo. Q: What does an alligator get on welfare? He dubbed it the "Carnac Saver" and said in a 2009 interview, "I'll go to my grave having to apologize for having invented the Carnac Saver. The Answer: Sinking faster than the Titanic. A: Gunga din. Alas, poor Yorick, dont forget your American Express card! May all your fine teeth get mad and bite off your nose.May you own a hotel with a thousand rooms and you be found dead in each one.May you have many daughters, who all marry [some sort you generically don't like]. Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. , The Question: What do you call pedestrians trying to cross I-220? If laughter is the best medicine, this crowd doesnt have a prescription. A: The big ten. How to Curse in Yiddish} by Joe Singer.Some of my favorites: May you sweat in labor a hundred and sixty years, then give birth to anice turle-hedgehog-porcupine. Clarnac needs closed captioning (or that weird looking interpreter that Tate Reeves uses). A: Big Ben, Joe Nameth and the candidates' campaign If you are of a certain age, you might yet remember "Carnac the Magnificent", a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. A: Ninety-nine and nine-tenths. Johnny Carson entertained audiences for 30 years as the host of The Tonight Show. From Carnac the Magnificent to his very close encounter with a python, heres our list of Carsons greatest moments. Please see our terms and conditions and disclaimer. Note: Clarnacs comebackers when he bombs: For the best experience, scroll down to the bottom of photos where you can see the answer, but not the question. May the bluebird of happiness twiddle your bits. toilet is stopped up? Q: Name two words that have no meaning. I've often used Carnac in my work, pretending to be him, when confronted with the unknowable, the unanswerable, the irrational questions for which no reasonable responses are going to solve the problem. A: Jaws 2 and Capricorn One. A: Fists of fury and five fingers of death. I hold in my hand these What is missing here is his delivery. Sometimes Clarnac has to leave quickly. Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show. A: Pot luck. Q: What was Elizabeth Taylor between 3 and 5 pm on June 1, Q: Name a Fudd, a Mudd and a dud. One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. Describe the sound you hear when a sheep blows up!! A: Jaques Cousteau. Q: What's the only thing President Carter didn't promise A: The Rock of Gibralter. A: Plumber's helper. Question: Name a peanut, a doughnut and a gun nut. The Question: What is the new slogan at Taco Bell? The Answer: Confused, weak, feeble, and uncertain. A: Deep freeze. Organized in groups of 10. My favorite Carnac(sp?) Q: What would you keep if you had to choose between sex and Johnny Carson Carnac the Magnificent replica prop hat. A: 20,000 Leagues Beneath the Sea. Q: Name a fawn, a lawn and a yawn. The Question: What is Pete Buttigiegs favorite planet? A: Rocky, Network and The Silver Streak. The Answer: They found no brain activity. Lot Closed - Sold Price: Estimate: $ 400 - $ 600. (the curse). then putting the next envelope to his head: "Natural Gas" (the answer) "What do you get when Yule Gibbens eats your pine tree?" Carnac The Magnificent undated. ", "Barometer, n. An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.". I just got a new DVD, and I am really excited about it, but I miss my childhood a little bit I guess. (croud cheers) #10. Q: Who was just arrested for impersonating a baseball team? questions having never I have been collecting some things that are kind of obsolete now. A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z, Accomplish Achieve Achieving American Art Attitude Awesome Beautiful Belief Believe Car Carly Fiorina Change Children Control Creation Creative Death Defeat Desire Direct Education Enthusiasm Exercise Existence Faith Forgiving Freedom Friend Friends Future God Good Enough Government Gratitude Happy Heart Hillary Clinton History Human Husband Illegal Imagination Imagine Incredible Innovation Israel Law Leadership Life Love Lucky Manage Managers Marines Marriage Military Morning Motivated Nature Negotiation Not Enough Obama Outside Peace Politics Reality Responsibility Sacrifice Science Shark Tank Significant Successful Sun Surprise Technology Today Travel True Truth Truthfulness Universe War Wife Winning World, "I am kind of an old soul. alley? A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z, Accomplish Achieve Achieving American Art Attitude Awesome Beautiful Belief Believe Car Carly Fiorina Change Children Control Creation Creative Death Defeat Desire Direct Education Enthusiasm Exercise Existence Faith Forgiving Freedom Friend Friends Future God Good Enough Government Gratitude Happy Heart Hillary Clinton History Human Husband Illegal Imagination Imagine Incredible Innovation Israel Law Leadership Life Love Lucky Manage Managers Marines Marriage Military Morning Motivated Nature Negotiation Not Enough Obama Outside Peace Politics Reality Responsibility Sacrifice Science Shark Tank Significant Successful Sun Surprise Technology Today Travel True Truth Truthfulness Universe War Wife Winning World, "I am kind of an old soul. Q: Name three things that go to the bathroom outdoors. May the bird of paridise fly up your noseMay an elephant caress you with its toesMay your wife be plaqued with runners in her hoseMay the bird of paridise fly up your nose, Ron Williams (not Tom Nadas, but an incredible simulation)--, UUCP: {decvax,linus,ihnp4,uw-beaver,allegra,utzoo}!utcsri!tomCSNET: tom@toronto, "Look over there, a dry ice factory. Box 4, Folder 46. violence? Shriver. . "Carnac" examples: "Billy Graham, Virginia Graham, and Lester Maddox" . Q: What does Zsa Zsa Gabor call the center of a church? I'm being held prisoner on a God-forsaken island! While all were memorable, its her duet with Carson thats particularly unforgettable. Carnac held each envelope to his forehead while "divining" the answer, then tore open the end of the envelope and loudly blew into it before removing the index card with the question. These jokes aren't mine, copyright on them is held by the and Supermanreplies "Johnny Carson, 1967" to which Lex remarks "Right. No more years! A: Touch and Go. Here are a few of his curses: May a crazed weightlifter clean and jerk your sister. Q: Name three people who sell a lot of junk. ), These comedic missteps were an indication of Carnacs true prescient abilities. May your only daughter take up with a yak of another. girlfriend. Carnac the Magnificent. CARNAC: May your favorite aunt develop a crust on her hip. "Carnak: Do-whacka-doEd: Do-whacka-doCarnack: What do you look for when you're hunting do-whackas?Carnak: Dippity-doEd: Dippity-doCarnak: What collects on your dippity in the morning?A. A: Old wives tale. Q: What do you call a cop who frisks himself? but you, in your divine and mystical way, will ascertain the answers to these skirt. Or fastest delivery Mon, Mar 6 . The Answer: Dumbo, Eeyour, and Mitt Romney. The Question: How tall would Clarnac have to be for his current weight to be his ideal weight. Q: What do you say when calling your quat? Longtime sidekick Ed McMahon ritualistically and bombastically introduced the Carnac routines. QUESTION: What do they put on horses at the Preparation H Ranch? Dont break the concentration of the mystic from the East, or he will place a curse on you! Q: Name the only three things you can afford to eat One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. sister. . May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your sister's skirt. Are you sure you want to cancel your membership with us? A: Burn the candle at both ends. So that when Balak brought Bilaam to the mountaintop so that he could view the Jews encamped down below and cast a curse upon them (see Numbers 23:28), Bilaam was moved to bless the Jewish people instead and to say, Mah Tovu Oholecha Yisrael How goodly are your tents, O Jacob , a blessing referring specifically to our beautiful Batei Keneses (Houses of Prayer) and Batei Midrash (Houses of Study). Check the NSFW checkbox to enable not-safe-for-work images. Pat McCormickwrote some of the zaniest Carnac material. Q: What do you call a military coup led by General Wilbur, Orville, and Wright. ANSWER: Big Ben, Joe Nameth and the candidates' campaign promises. Hand made. Q: What do you call a drink made with un-cola and prune this year? The Question: Name three things in New York that may run forever. Browse more quotes by famous person's name. The Question: Whats the difference between a dollar bill and LeBron James? Q: Describe someone cleaning his Hoffman. stardew valley weapon tier list; mississippi state treasurer | Replica prop, Johnny carson, Johnny Explore Men's Fashion Men's Accessories Men's Hats Uploaded to Pinterest Johnny Carson Johnny Carson Carnac the Magnificent replica prop hat. . A: "Gung Ho!" A: Last Tango in Paris. There were skits performed such as Carnac the Magnificent, an "all-knowing seer," and the elderly Aunt Blabby. Q: Name a lord, an award and a fraud. Carnac The Magnificent Quotes May a diseased yak squat in your hot tub. So we see that as we get closer and closer to the Messianic Era when the world will go back to a perfected state, curses are reverting all around us just as the Vilna Gaon predicted. After Carnac said an answer, McMahon would frequently repeat it in a booming voice ostensibly as a help to the audience setting up a sneer, putdown, or some other comic reaction from Carson.
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